I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
