i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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