You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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