question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
