Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
