I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
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