How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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