If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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