we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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