question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
