it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
