just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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