Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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