This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so let's talk penis.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
