i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
