You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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