it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
