i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
