census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I cut my penus on the lid.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
