No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
