when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
