If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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