i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
