what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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