ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
