Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
