I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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