My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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