What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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