Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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