Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
They took my balls.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
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