were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
