I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
