now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
