what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
