I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
