I wanna bring you to show and tell
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
