I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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