I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
