I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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