Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
