Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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