Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
