i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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