im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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