making cat noises will not fix the situation.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize