I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
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We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
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I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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