My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Drunk is not a location!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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