Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
