where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize