Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
