Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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