he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
