A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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