we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
