that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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