I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just had sex bonerless
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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