You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
