Me. At least after what I've been through.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
