Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
