yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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