She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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