I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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