My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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