My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
that is very illegal...i love you.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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