Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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