There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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