Plan B is the new Plan A
People in love make me want to vomit
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
