Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
