69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
